Interpretation...

I figured since recently I had a really awkward and scary dream. I should try to find an interpretation of it. So maybe I can put myself and others at ease. I will bold whatever I think applies to me. So here we go....

To dream that you commit suicide, suggests that conditions in your life are so frustrating that you no longer want to deal with the situation or relationship. You may be harboring feelings of guilt that you cannot get over and thus turning the aggression on yourself. You need to start approaching problems from a different angle. Alternatively, it may suggest that you are saying good-bye to one aspect of yourself and hello to a whole new you. It is symbolic of a personal transformation or a new stage in your life.

and also

To see a razor in your dream, suggests that there is a situation or problem that you need to smooth out.

and even more

To dream that you are bleeding or losing blood, signifies that you are suffering from exhaustion or that you are feeling emotionally drained. It may also denote bitter confrontations between you and your friends. Your past actions has come back to haunt you. Women often dream of blood or of someone bleeding, shortly before or during their periods or while they are pregnant. If you dream that you are giving or donating blood, then it suggests that you are feeling physically drained due to stress.

and more

To hear evil, demonic laughing in your dream, represents feelings of humiliation and/or helplessness.

and yet still

To see your enemy in your dream, represents opposing ideas and contradictory attitudes. It also represents something that you are in denial about or someone whom you are rejecting. Enemies may also represent the enemies within yourself and the inner conflict you have with yourself. Consider the phrase "I am my own worse enemy.". Perhaps you are trying to rid yourself of those aspects of your character.

Ok, now that I figured that out, here's what I think...

I think I am beginning to understand the bigger picture here. I think the reason I had my dream is because I feel betrayed by my friends. Not a betrayal of trust or anything, but I feel they don't care about me as much as I care about them. I feel I am disposable and they will throw me away at any minute. I feel that I'm gonna lose them and when I do they won't even miss me. I feel we are growing further apart. And I cannot have that happen. I love my friends, especially _______. But I feel that we've drifted. I want her to understand that friends are friends forever. And I want her to understand and feel the way I do about friendship. Well I gotta go check my schedule.

I Comitted Suicide...

in a dream. It was weird. And very sad too. I do not know all the details, all I know is that it involved betrayal. My best friend, Ellie was keeping something from me and somehow I found out about it and I felt like the lowest of all lows because she couldn't tell me about it herself. So, I took a razor and slashed my wrist right in front of her and the worst part of it all is that she did not even try to help me. She just stood there watching me cry and bleed. She was right there in front of me, but yet there was so much distance.

I kinda have an idea of where that dream cane from, but then again I kinda don't. I don't wanna talk about this anymore. It makes me sad, stupid dream!

Double Sigh, Triple Sigh, Oh Bother!

It's not that I've been neglecting writing in here. It's just that I have had so much on my mid lately that I just felt was too much to talk about on here. I don't want to get into serious details, but I have been thinking about quite a few things and other stuff has been majorly bugging me.

For one, my father, well it seems like he has been on my case lately. About school, about my weight, and most importantly about my relationship. I think that as long as I am doing the best I can and not throwing my life away and just plain living, it should just be enough for him, but it's never enough for him. I am so sick of trying to please him, I am so sick of trying to explain my side, my situation, my feelings, because frankly I could talk to him until I have no voice left and he still would not understand.

Corie, well he and I have not worked a lot lately and so we are struggling to get thing paid for and what not and he still has no money for a ring. I want to shout to the world that I am engaged, but it is so hard to do so when I have no ring to show for it. I guess my patience will reward me, although my patience is wearing thing. Another thing about Corie is that he has been really moody lately, picking arguments with me when it is not needed and then not even coming correct on it. Not even fessing up to his wrong doings or even taking the initiative to say he is sorry. Well, let's not go there.

Speaking of moody people, my friends have been kind of moody as well. I hope all is well with them. Lately they have been biting my heads off for no friggin' reason. I'm getting scared. I want everything to be okay. I'm sick of dodging bullets. I'm not bulletproof.

Well, I suppose that's all I have to say for now. Corie's got to get some sleep and I do not want to keep him up with my typing. Hope everyone had a good Easter. TTYL.

Screw the Economy!

I am already broke being a college student and having to pay on my own. Working a stupid ass job as a cashier at a grocery store. Then comes along the rough economic status which means, fuck the employees, cuz only the managers can get hours now, but we'll give the employees who have been here for a long ass time a few tiny hours so they can put bread in their mouths b/c it's about they can afford working only one day a week. Fuck this shit! I'm supposed to be getting married in a year and a half, I can't even afford to attend a wedding, let alone throw one myself. I'm on the verge of tears now. I just cannot stand this shit! I don't know what I am gonna do. All I can do now is pray. Pray for some help and finanicial stability.

I don't know what else to write, I thought this was going to be a really long blog, but I just cannot write at this time being so depressed. Sorry.